Becoming a mama has been the craziest ride I’ve ever been on. This past year has been full of fear, stress, amazingness, and love. Love above all. I never knew how much I could love until Cami came into my life. I also realized and learned things about myself I wasn’t expecting. I did and went thru many different things I wasn’t expecting on this first year of being a mom. But hey, that is all a part of being a mama, right?
So here are a few things I learned and went thru (and you can expect to go thru) on my first year of being a mama.
I don’t know it all
I know, shocker. Right? Am I the only one that coming into this motherhood gig thought she knew it all? No? Just me? Okay. Well, I don’t. I don’t know it all. I still struggle with this at times, because I want to do it all and experience all of my daughter’s firsts. So specially in the beginning, it was really hard for me to let go and get help when it came to things directly related to my daughter. The house shores? That was fine, my mom could do it all and I didn’t mind the help. Ha! But when it came to her first bath, and the bellybutton we wanted it to do it all. We wanted to do our own research and decide for ourselves. I am not sure if it is because we haven’t decided if we will have anymore kids and this is was our way to savor every little thing, but that’s what it was. Still is at times.
What I say now, is listen. I try to listen to everything that people tell me and we can decided for ourselves whether we take the tips and advise or not.
I did the unthinkable
Along with “I don’t know it all” came doing things I said I would never do and letting my daughter do things I always said I wouldn’t. “I’ll never let her use a binkie”, “She is not going to sleep with us”, “We are going to sleep train a.s.a.p.”, and my favorite “my kid will never act that way”. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Those are things I literally said before I was a mom. And guess what? They went out the window. When your baby is crying and that binkie is the only thing that will soothe her, you give her that binkie. When you miss your baby so much even though you just put her to sleep, you let her sleep in the bed with you.
Never say never. That is something I’ve learned. Have an open mind above all. Because we don’t know what we will do, or how we will react until you’re in the moment.
I Lost Myself
Hear me out, because I don’t mean this in a bad way. Yes. I did lose myself, and you probably will too. The person that I was before I was a mom no longer exists. Sure, there are parts of me that are very much the same, but so much has changed. Not just physically (and boy has that changed! lol) but emotionally and just the way I see life and the world. There are times when I miss her (old Ana) so much and think to myself how I could every think I was adult enough to be a mom. Seriously. I hope I am not the only mom in the world that has these thoughts.
But I am so much more in love with my life now. Hanging out with my sassy one year old beats anything else in the world 😀
(evidence that old Ana existed lol)
Becoming A Mom Brought Me Closer to my family
It did, it really really did. I feel much closer to my in laws now, I feel so much more love than I did before. Seeing the way the interact with my daughter is precious. They are wild and have a different way of seeing parenting. Which is fine. Cami gets to experience things in a different way and I love that. I also love seeing my parents as grandparents, it reminds so much of my childhood. They do things waaaaay different than I do. But that is okay. Cami always has so much fun with them and its great!
I love seeing the love she has for them as well. Nothing beats that.
Am I going Crazy?
Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy. I feel stressed. I feel love and anger at the same time. The house is a mess at times. The dogs are going nuts. And Cami is crying or pooping in the bath. Totally real. Don’t worry. You’re not going crazy. Its normal. I feel overwhelmed sometimes. Nothing a quick 5 minute time out for yourself can’t fix. Don’t think you’re the only one. We all go through it. It is a part of being a mom, and being human.
Finally, love. I’ve experienced love the way I never have before. I have so much love for this little human that is a tiny part of me. Sometimes (a lot of times actually) I look at her and I can’t believe she is mine. I can’t believe I helped create her. I can’t believe she was inside me for 9 months! It is all surreal. She is perfection in my eyes. I love seeing her grow up, but it also makes me emotional. So emotional. I love her little cheeks, and nose, and laugh. I love it all. If you’re not a mom yet, you will experience a kind of love like no other. There are no expectations in this kind of love, because anything she does just being herself is all the love you will need.
It is amazing, that this is my life. This beautiful and crazy life is mine.
Until next time…
If you enjoyed this post be sure to check out my experience Camila’s Birth Story