Hi there beauties! On my blog I talk a lot about motherhood, the highs, the lows, the pretty and not-so-pretty things about being a mama. But let us not forget about dads! I think a lot of times we think of them as super heroes as if they can do it all (and a lot of times they can 🙂 )
Today’s guest post we are taking a moment to look at things from a Dad’s perspective…Danny from Overworked Father shares with us the struggles that fathers go through and how he handles them.
Let’s face it; when we first find out we are going to be fathers, we get bombarded with quotes and stories about how joyful fatherhood is. No doubt, being a father is one of the greatest blessings to ever be bestowed upon mere man. However, what about all the times that we don’t feel so joyful? What about the moments, though they be brief, where we fight ourselves from breaking down.
The truth is, being a father, a husband, and a successful career-driven individual is tough, especially when the three seem to clash constantly. That’s why it’s best to realize that every father has, or will, go through the same things you do. Let’s look at some of the “unjoys” of fatherhood.
No, it’s not uncommon for a new father to go through periods of feeling alone, even though they may spend every waking moment caring for some member of the family. Perhaps what many don’t understand is that our significant others have carried this child for upwards of nine months before we even lay eyes on them.
That’s nine months that the mother had bonded with the child; nine months of the child hearing its mother’s heartbeat and breathing patterns. So, when it seems like the baby doesn’t want you, don’t dismay. Your time to bond will come. It’s normal, especially when the baby is breastfed, to feel like neither the child or the mother wants anything to do with you. Don’t take it personal, this stage will pass, and before you know it, your new son/daughter will be screaming ‘dada’ the moment you walk in from work.
Lack of intimacy
Let’s face it; even after the baby is conceived, we are still men. And, being men, we have a strong desire to be with our significant others (which is the reason we are now fathers in the first place, am I right?) What very few men will tell new fathers is to expect a lack of intimacy on her part.
No, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you anymore and no, it’s not a sign that there’s someone else; don’t go down those rabbit trails. What it is a sign of, however, is that her body has undergone some major changes in a short amount of time. Between the added hormones and body shifting going on, her drive to be intimate is temporarily gone.
I get it, I’ve been there, in fact I was there not to long ago. But fret not, it’s isn’t all doom and gloom. Now, I hear you asking ‘what are some tips to deal with the loneliness and lack of intimacy?
Keep doing your part: It may mean putting in long hours at work only to come home and have to put in extra time taking care of things you wouldn’t normally do. This is what being a parent is all about right? Putting yourself last, and your new family first. Just understand this isn’t a forever situation, it is a tunnel, and at the end is a great white beaming light that has soccer and football practice waiting for you. Or, if your new offspring is a little princess, it’s full of ballet classes and trauma (once she starts dating anyway).
Give her time: The natural reaction is to push and prod until we get our way. This will get you nothing but more hostility. Give her the space she needs to adjust herself. If this is your first child, she will be feeling new emotions and going through more changes than you could ever possibly imagine. So have patience, tread lightly, and appreciate that anything you say can be turned against you (if you think she was good at this before the baby, oh man do I have news for you). Be sure she knows that she has your support and love, regardless of how you feel in the moment.
All joking aside, remember your significant other needs you now more than ever. Pro Tip: Buy a coffee machine and make her coffee every morning – huge win right here. Trust me, this helps in the intimacy department also. Fatherhood is a battle and, sometimes, a down right struggle to keep our feelings and emotions in check, especially when our whole world has changed. But, ask any experienced father and he will tell you that it’s all just a small down payment on an amazing experience in raising your children.
Danny is a Calgary based blogger that writes about the struggles of trying to remain at the top of his game in the corporate world, while trying to hold down the perfect family life. Needless to say it’s not an easy task. You can read more about Danny here – overworkedfather.com
Twitter – @overworkdfather
Instagram – @overworkedfather
Facebook – facebook.com/overworkedfather/