I was asked recently what life is like now that I am a mother…and honestly the first thing that came to my mind was “crazy”. Yes, crazy. While my life is not chaotic by any means, being a mom is a crazy thing. I have always known I wanted to be a mom, but realizing you are responsible for a human being is crazy! I have yet to feel like an adult myself, so what made me think I could be responsible for this little person? No idea.
Lets fast forward to the first night home. Baby Camila slept all night. What a sweet and well behaved baby we have, we thought. Oh no, we spoke too soon! The next night Camila was up every single hour wanting to nurse. It was so exhausting. And as much as you coach yourself and try to prepare mentally on how sleepless you will be, you will never be prepared. However, there were those precious moments when I was ready to just run away in the middle of the night, then I’d look at her and she’d smile and my heart would just melt. Suddenly, sleep didn’t matter as much. Thankfully, the waking up every hour only lasted like a week or two. She now only wakes up once during the night. Sometimes she will even sleep the entire night!! I know, she loves her mama.
After the first month or so I felt like I had lost myself. Yep, it didn’t take too long. I was fortunate enough to stay home for 3 months, which was great. But honestly, I missed work, I missed working out, and even just driving! (Which I couldn’t because I had just given birth…and we will just leave the physical side of the 3 months for another post) . I remember twice feeling so tired, ugly and unlike myself. I went in the bathroom and just cried, cried and sobbed like a baby. But believe me, I felt so much better afterwards. Sometimes all you need is just a good cry to let it all out and reset yourself.
I had become that Mom
I am just going to put this out there, I am guilty and horrible. Okay, so before becoming a mom I’d see women with their kids out and about with crazy hair, looking like they didn’t try. I always swore I’d never be that way. I promised myself I’d be (as the kids say…) “on point” with my hair, make up, etc… Boy was I wrong. First doctor’s appointment we had, 4 days postpartum, I was a hot mess. Getting a newborn ready and myself was not as easy as I thought. I showed up with wet hair, barely any makeup on and leggings. You read that right, leggings! Ughh…don’t worry eventually I learned that I need way more time than I thought and it works out. I no longer walk out of my house with leggings on.
And so, after reading all this you might think I hate motherhood. Not at all. I absolutely love it. I love the sleepless nights, the poopie diapers, and puke on my shirts. It is not easy, and if you’re going thru this stage, don’t worry, it gets better. I promise. As some of you mama’s know, it is all worth it! She is a little piece of me and seeing her grow up is pretty amazing. From her first smile to being able to hold her head. I love it all. I am enjoying her to the fullest, even thru the hard parts of being a parent. She is the happiest baby, loves to “talk” and sure, she may not sleep all night, but she will figure it out. The love I feel for my daughter is unlike any other type of love.
It is crazy, and I love it.
What about you? What was it like the first 3 months of being a mom?